Kids laugh and chase each other around the kitchen table while adults clink wine glasses and toast. They wine and dine for hours feasting on delicious food. As the children retire to their bedrooms, the hard liquor is brought to the table and the conversation transitions from lighthearted banter to that of an existential matter: the possibility of war. We tell tales of the past, and what life was like before. Men stroke their beards and get a far-away look in their eyes, before speaking softly of a lost friend or of a difficult battle. A mother, coddling her toddler, recalls visiting Gaza city as a child, and how beautiful and peaceful it was. Others speak about freely traveling to the Sinai or cities in the west bank. They all recall the fear they faced during the second Intifada. While they know war closely, he is no friend. No one speaks of him cheerfully, and his memories seem to jerk the heartstrings of everyone.
Being a new enlistee, I serve with many young men (more accurately boys). There is no single motivating force behind all these soldiers. Evidently, we are all fueled by something unique to us. I cannot help but think many of these soldiers have flawed priorities. People fueled by hate and desiring to see war and bloodshed. The sad thing is they will likely get their wish, I hope they are able to recover from their fatalistic dream. Anyone fueled by hatred or the desire to see battle really serves no place in the IDF or any army. A talk with any veteran will prove war is the opposite of fun and should not be commercialized or taken lightly.
It has been my dream for years to make Aliyah and serve in the IDF. Simultaneously, it is my biggest desire to see an end of conflict in this region and a lasting peace agreement. To many, this seems contradictory. My decisions have lost me close friends and alienated me from certain social groups. But I have no regrets. I will proudly carry the burden of a soldier and will shed tears if I ever need to use my weapon. But as I understand the state of reality, thus is the existence of the modern Jewry. I do not want war, nor enemies. I do not want every shopping mall in my country to have a security checkpoint or for teenagers to be conscripted to combat. I do not want there to be bomb shelters placed all over the south, or for kids in this region to grow up understanding what to do when rockets are impending. But I want the opposite even less. This reality is intense, but there is no other one. Either the Jewish state has an army, and its culture is intertwined with the unforgiving nature of war, or we have no country.
I know the day will come where we all retire are weapons and embrace one another as family. While history and news might tell otherwise, I know peace is in our future. It is a concept to never give up on. Before we reach that view, there are sure to be many more battles. It is my hope that the international community is not so quick to past judgement, and rather tries to put themselves in the shoes of someone living in this region. Where it often feels like one is stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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